WEEKLY WARNING WORDS
December 10, 2003 - WEEK 12 - (Belated Thanksgiving Insertion)
A Turkey Trot
BY DR. BRUNO J. KEITH
When a deranged Texas Ranger warned us about possible terrorist attacks on the long Thanksgiving weekend, he made millions of eager travelers shake in their boots even before they had to be taken off for inspection by our weirdly-trained Domestic Security agents. This high alert made cynics imagine that our President had planned a new preemptive strike against other rogues. Nobody believed that His surprise action would be directed against potential competitors of the Democratic variety for His regal throne. A poor former First Lady employed only a few secret agents for her visit to our soldiers while our First Man had a million warriors plus a million Domestic Security workers to ensure His safety for the bombastic flight to Baghdad.
Top secret to all but a few allies, Air Force I flit in complete darkness in a friendly sky. That dramatic gesture, in order to be a 2-hour kitchen maid, trumped His declaration of peace on His best aircraft carrier in His Sunday flight costume. Never before in history has a commander-in-chief indulged in an equally expensive election gimmick. Could that trick add one $ billion to the hundreds for His military-industrial-business complex and the even richer gift of taxes returned to the wealthiest taxdodgers?
Everyone was stunned by this artful and costly Thanksgiving extravagance, Mrs. Rice-cooked around Crawford, Texas. Since Condoleeza knew about Hillary Clinton's flight request for her Thanksgiving, her creative trumping it may lack originality. Admiring T.V. anchormen didn't dare to estimate the cost of this newest political maneuver because some 600 of our brave soldiers felt flattered by the royal touch. Perhaps, his budgeteers have now had enough time to count the cost of having armies of soldiers and security guards stand at attention to prevent an impossible turkey shoot.
We were already told that now there is not enough money left for Home Security salaries. Thousands will be dismissed, and more will have only part-time jobs because airports and famous landmarks which our One And Only needs to use for his campaign trailing, need only short-time protection. The millions of other travelers don't require over-protection. And his antagonists could be treated to protective anthrax like Senators Daschle and Leahy.
His astonishing popularity requires that Air Force I is fully safeguarded like a flying fortress, especially when and where it has to loiter where the Incumbent addresses his wealthy voters and preexamined students of all ages.
Meanwhile, our warriors love to die for Him and liberate Afghanistan, Iraq and a few others from their own people. As long as they breathe, they feel like proud tourists, carrying in their backpacks all the paraphernalia of Bushmen democracy, as designed by fellow draftdodgers like Quayle, Clinton, Cheney and Gingrich. Their armies have a blast. Who has begun to wonder whether General Clark, Kerry or Gore would likewise multiply their hosts of personal bodyguards in such pitiful and cowardly self-protection? Yet, we have to agree with our leader if He has to hire again a few 1000 more of the fired Home Security trained strongmen when some who believe in free speech begin to boo the lordly campaigner for re-election.
Week 13 - The Catch